Cast Their Souls Into Eternal Hellfire And Torment And All, But Please…

Real Church Marquee Signs

…not yet, anyway…

Advertisements

2017 Fantasy Baseball Champions!!


I won the championship in my fantasy baseball league this year!!! Chimichanga Express championship banners and T-shirts? Yeah, I should make them. Just kidding, that is way overboard.

Team MVP (batters):

Team MVP (pitchers):


Postseason MVP:


Thanks to Charlie Blackmon, Max Scherzer, George Springer and all the rest if my team from this year 🙂

In A Show Of Metal Solidarity, Tom Brady Yet Again Pulls Off Late Comeback Victory

AAsq3q5

Trailing late to the Houston Texans Sunday, once again quarterback Tom Brady raised his metal horns to summon the spirit of Ronnie James Dio and lead the New England Patriots downfield for a game winning touchdown. The play, “12-Y-Left-Holy Diver” has never failed, and is no doubt the ultimate secret to Brady’s success. Well, that and a super hot wife.

Solved: The Reason The New Orleans Saints Defense Has Been Awful for The Last Several Years

New Orleans Saints Defense

Despite having a terrific offense, the New Orleans Saints have been dreadful on defense for the last several years. After literally milliseconds of scientific study, analysts from MIT have come to the conclusion that it is because the players literally play upside-down, as demonstrated above by former linebacker Jonathan Vilma. It started about the time that Bountygate became a thing when then defensive coordinator Gregg Williams wanted to try something new to match up with current NFL offensive schemes. At some point, through multiple changes at defensive coordinators, the team maintained its upside-down defensive technique. “From our perspective, we have finished at the top of our division for most of the last few years” commented an unnamed defensive end for the team.

Experts: Washington Post May Create More Public Fear If It Grants Them Higher Readership

Washington Post Trump North Korea

In an effort to create public fear to generate higher ad revenue from anxious readers voraciously diving into their click bait articles, the Washington Post has once again scored a hit. North Korea, a.k.a. Earth’s lunatic asylum, could be colluding with the media in this campaign to keep people afraid. Nothing draws more attention to the media than a frightened public. The money continues to flow…

Irma, You Whore! (We’re At The Mercy Of Duke Energy At This Point)

Irma Power Outage

Now that Hurricane Irma has come and gone, we’ve got to deal with reality. Power has been out in most of my county since Sunday night. When will it return? Well, Duke Energy is saying Friday midnight at the latest, but given their reputation, we’ll have to wait and see. This just in: Florida is hot. We have 4 kids (one of course is a newborn) and a dog and we are hanging in there. I concede that many people along Irma’s path, particularly in the Caribbean have it FAR worse. However, given that Pinellas County (Florida’s highest population density in a county) is dealing with 77% of the residents losing power when at best we only had Category 1 hurricane winds (some had it FAR FAAAAAAAR worse with Irma), it makes me question why power companies are afforded the luxury of monopoly status in areas. It certainly offers no extra motivation to get in there and kick ass. How did our power in this county fail so monumentally when other counties had a fraction of the damage?

Of course I am just venting. This much time without power in the Florida heat will make anyone go a little crazy, or worse. I know people are working hard on some level to bring us back. I guess you just care and get a little more frustrated when you have kids to take care of. Hang in there, folks… We shall endure.

A sincere thank you to EVERYONE who is aiding in Hurricane cleanup and assistance on any level. This includes all of the electric workers (my brother in-law is one), National Guardsmen (my sister is one), police officers, medical personnel, etc. who’ve left their families out of state to come help us. While I may rant about the people in Duke Energy who are calling shots from the top, I am grateful for the workers with boots on the ground (and in the trees), who are doing their best to restore normalcy. I owe you all a beer and a high five.

Irma’s Comin’, And We’re On Her List!

Here it is… the inevitable D-Day. I’m am gonna spend the day distracted by the NFL until the power goes out. We are riding Hurricane Irma out in our home in St Petersburg and optimistically hoping for the best. I got up at 6 am and laid down my basketball hoop and then dug a foot deep trench around the lowest part of the house. Ready for this ride. In-laws are coming over to go through this with us. 8 people, 2 dogs. Irma, be nice!


Hurricane Irma – Surf’s Up!

Scored a day off work today compliments of Hurricane Irma. It is still a day or so away from impacting south Florida but my county was given a mandatory evacuation in the zone where my job sits, so a nice paid day off chilling with the family. Currently listening to the band Toxodeth on the iPod. I was lucky to reap the benefits of having Kansas City Chiefs’ rookie running back Kareem Hunt on my fantasy team this week. He netted me 76 points in my performance bonus boosted scoring system. What is Irma’s impact going to be for the Tampa Bay area? I’ll have to wait and see… A nice heavy breeze with some good rain at very least. Surf’s up, world!

2017 NFL Predictions

David Johnson Arizona Cardinals 2017 NFL Predictions

Prognosticators unite! It’s that time of the year again for those of us who wish to guess how the NFL will shake up over the coming season. Another foolhardy round of guesswork based on past performance, perceived upward/downward/stagnant trajectories, and just plain old hunches. Here’s how I think it will go down:

AFC

East
1. New England Patriots
2. Miami Dolphins
3. Buffalo Bills
4. New York Jets

North
1. Pittsburgh Steelers
2. Baltimore Ravens
3. Cincinnati Bengals
4. Cleveland Browns

South
1. Tennessee Titans
2. Indianapolis Colts
3. Houston Texans
4. Jacksonville Jaguars

West
1. Oakland Raiders
2. Kansas City Chiefs
3. Los Angeles Chargers
4. Denver Broncos

 

NFC

East
1. New York G**nts
2. Washington Redskins
3. Dallas C*wb*ys
4. Philadelphia E*gl*s

North
1. Green Bay Packers
2. Minnesota Vikings
3. Detroit Lions
4. Chicago Bears

South
1. Carolina Panthers
2. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
3. Atlanta Falcons
4. New Orleans Saints

West
1. Arizona Cardinals
2. Seattle Seahawks
3. Los Angeles Rams
4. San Francisco 49ers

Super Bowl: Oakland Raiders defeat Green Bay Packers

Maybe it took 50 years for the Raiders, but they’ll get revenge for the Super Bowl II loss to the Packers…

 

NFL: Tennessee Titans at Jacksonville Jaguars