Dak Prescott Defies CTE With Latest End Zone Dance

Dak Prescott End Zone Dance

In the latest incident of showmanship gone awry, Dak Prescott of the Dallas Cowboys does a headspin to celebrate being alive. Challenging the dreaded CTE head on, Prescott damned gravity headfirst to the bewilderment of three Arizona Cardinals’ players who could only watch. We can neither confirm nor deny that Grandmaster Flash and The Furious Five were playing in his helmet speaker at the time.

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In A Show Of Metal Solidarity, Tom Brady Yet Again Pulls Off Late Comeback Victory

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Trailing late to the Houston Texans Sunday, once again quarterback Tom Brady raised his metal horns to summon the spirit of Ronnie James Dio and lead the New England Patriots downfield for a game winning touchdown. The play, “12-Y-Left-Holy Diver” has never failed, and is no doubt the ultimate secret to Brady’s success. Well, that and a super hot wife.

Solved: The Reason The New Orleans Saints Defense Has Been Awful for The Last Several Years

New Orleans Saints Defense

Despite having a terrific offense, the New Orleans Saints have been dreadful on defense for the last several years. After literally milliseconds of scientific study, analysts from MIT have come to the conclusion that it is because the players literally play upside-down, as demonstrated above by former linebacker Jonathan Vilma. It started about the time that Bountygate became a thing when then defensive coordinator Gregg Williams wanted to try something new to match up with current NFL offensive schemes. At some point, through multiple changes at defensive coordinators, the team maintained its upside-down defensive technique. “From our perspective, we have finished at the top of our division for most of the last few years” commented an unnamed defensive end for the team.

Hurricane Irma – Surf’s Up!

Scored a day off work today compliments of Hurricane Irma. It is still a day or so away from impacting south Florida but my county was given a mandatory evacuation in the zone where my job sits, so a nice paid day off chilling with the family. Currently listening to the band Toxodeth on the iPod. I was lucky to reap the benefits of having Kansas City Chiefs’ rookie running back Kareem Hunt on my fantasy team this week. He netted me 76 points in my performance bonus boosted scoring system. What is Irma’s impact going to be for the Tampa Bay area? I’ll have to wait and see… A nice heavy breeze with some good rain at very least. Surf’s up, world!

2017 NFL Predictions

David Johnson Arizona Cardinals 2017 NFL Predictions

Prognosticators unite! It’s that time of the year again for those of us who wish to guess how the NFL will shake up over the coming season. Another foolhardy round of guesswork based on past performance, perceived upward/downward/stagnant trajectories, and just plain old hunches. Here’s how I think it will go down:

AFC

East
1. New England Patriots
2. Miami Dolphins
3. Buffalo Bills
4. New York Jets

North
1. Pittsburgh Steelers
2. Baltimore Ravens
3. Cincinnati Bengals
4. Cleveland Browns

South
1. Tennessee Titans
2. Indianapolis Colts
3. Houston Texans
4. Jacksonville Jaguars

West
1. Oakland Raiders
2. Kansas City Chiefs
3. Los Angeles Chargers
4. Denver Broncos

 

NFC

East
1. New York G**nts
2. Washington Redskins
3. Dallas C*wb*ys
4. Philadelphia E*gl*s

North
1. Green Bay Packers
2. Minnesota Vikings
3. Detroit Lions
4. Chicago Bears

South
1. Carolina Panthers
2. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
3. Atlanta Falcons
4. New Orleans Saints

West
1. Arizona Cardinals
2. Seattle Seahawks
3. Los Angeles Rams
4. San Francisco 49ers

Super Bowl: Oakland Raiders defeat Green Bay Packers

Maybe it took 50 years for the Raiders, but they’ll get revenge for the Super Bowl II loss to the Packers…

 

NFL: Tennessee Titans at Jacksonville Jaguars

2016 NFL Predictions

NFL Predictions 2016

Finally! Another NFL Season is upon us! Mercifully, the offseason has come to an end with training camps opening for all 32 teams within the last few days. Here is my annual attempt at amateur prognostication (admittedly I have been below average in my 30 years of predicting how NFL seasons will go. I picked a Chicago/Seattle Super Bowl in the 1986 season the first time I tried doing this…)

Here are my best guesses as to how the 2016 season will unfold:

AFC

East:
1. New England Patriots
2. New York Jets
3. Buffalo Bills
4. Miami Dolphins

South:
1. Jacksonville Jaguars
2. Indianapolis Colts
3. Tennessee Titans
4. Houston Texans (This team is a trendy Super Bowl pick but I don’t trust their QB)

North:
1. Cincinnati Bengals
2. Pittsburgh Steelers
3. Baltimore Ravens
4. Cleveland Browns

West:
1. Kansas City Chiefs
2. Oakland Raiders
3. Denver Broncos
4. San Diego Chargers

NFC

East:
1. New York Giants
2. Washington Redskins
3. Dallas Cowboys
4. Philadelphia Eagles

South:
1. Carolina Panthers
2. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
3. Atlanta Falcons
4. New Orleans Saints

North:
1. Minnesota Vikings
2. Green Bay Packers
3. Chicago Bears
4. Detroit Lions

West:
1. Arizona Cardinals
2. Seattle Seahawks
3. Los Angeles Rams
4. San Francisco 49ers

Super Bowl LI – Kansas City Chiefs vs. Arizona Cardinals

Super Bowl LI Winner:

Arizona Cardinals Super Bowl LI Champions 2016